One of the things that I’ve had to do to help me evolve into the person I want to be is to talk to myself in a very thoughtful way.

I often tell my clients is to talk to themselves like they would their cherished child that they love to death, their niece or their nephew, or their grandchild, which is just the most precious thing in the world. And think about what you’ve just said in your mind to yourself. And would you say that to them? And if you would, and it’s negative, then we have some other work to do. But generally, if you would not say that to someone you love the most, you should not say it to yourself, even in your mind. And it would help if you certainly didn’t say it out loud. 

First, we think it, then we have this conversation internally, and then we say it. But each of those steps creates more power behind it. So when you say negative things about yourself frequently, it’s tough to get anything other than those negative things. For example, it’s complicated for people to lose weight when losing weight and keep it off because they never visualize themselves as thin. They always still felt fat or the negative word or overweight. So even when you lose weight, but you never changed your self thought and yourself thinking, you’re going to gain that right back because your mind says, “I am that person. I am this fat person.” So then your body has no choice but to follow that then, and that’s what happens.

So we have to watch the self-talk that we do. We have to be loving and forgiving of ourselves and treat ourselves very kind and know that this life is just a journey. It’s a process. And there’s nowhere in there where it was like, “You’re going to do everything perfectly the first time. You’re not going to make many mistakes. You’re never going to end up somewhere you don’t want.” What it is, is that every failure is a learning process. Everything that we’ve done wrong gives us more information. Everything that we think can become our reality. And if you’re living in a fact that you don’t like, one of the first places you have to go is, what is your self-talk?

What is that belief system that you have? What do you say to yourself when you make a mistake? What do you say to yourself when you’re mad about how the day is going. If it’s not kind and forgiving and allowing room for things that are not going well, then we’ve got to shift that. You’ve got to start saying, “It’s okay. You’re doing a great job. You’ve made it thus far.

Tomorrow is a new day, and we can do this over again.” So you’ve got to find a way to be kind, loving, and forgiving to yourself, and then being that way to other people is a natural benefit of that.


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